


Hold Me Dear

by playful_panda



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-30
Updated: 2011-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-08 21:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/447981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playful_panda/pseuds/playful_panda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After seeing Kurt being welcomed back to McKinley by the New Directions, Blaine needs some reassurance that their relationship won't change just because they're in two different schools.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Dear

**Author's Note:**

> This was a gift for alura_embrey for the Glee Summer Fun exchange on LJ.  Thanks to shadowedkit for betaing!

  
Kurt is surrounded by the members of New Directions, being pulled into more hugs than he can count and hearing over and over again the same phrases –  _we missed you_  and  _we’re so glad to have you back_  and  _now we stand a chance at Nationals_  – but he doesn’t miss the look on Blaine’s face as he trudges up the courtyard steps, trailing behind the rest of the Warblers. The smile on Blaine’s face doesn’t hide the tears glistening in his eyes, and Kurt feels a pang of pain in his chest at the realization that  _he_  is the cause of Blaine’s sadness.

He tries to suppress that thought as he is shuffled in through the side doors of the school, but he can’t get the image of Blaine’s face out of his mind. He fights the urge to call Blaine only because he’s pretty sure he’ll start crying as soon as hears the other boy’s voice over the phone. Even stronger than his urge to call Blaine is his urge to run back outside into the parking lot so Blaine can take him into his arms one more time before he leaves. Because even though Kurt knows that the only way McKinley students will become tolerant of homosexuality is with his help, the easier choice is to remain with Blaine at the safe haven that is Dalton.

Reacclimating himself to McKinley is quite possibly both the most surreal and the most comfortable experience of Kurt’s life. His old locker remains miraculously unoccupied and he finds himself easily falling back into his class schedule. He realizes that he has some catching up to do in his classes now that he’s back at McKinley, because although the course load at Dalton was more intense, it wasn’t quite on track with the topics being covered at McKinley. He figures he’ll have time to call Blaine tonight as long as he gets right down to his homework after school.

Glee club remains the high point of his day, of course, and he realizes how much he’s missed the daily drama that is New Directions.  _But not as much as I’m missing Blaine right now,_  he finds himself thinking.

Soon he’s back in the choir room and singing his heart out, though he will never admit that he’s been planning the song he would sing upon his return to McKinley ever since he left, not because he doesn’t love Dalton and the Warblers, but because the New Directions will always be  _home_. 

Puck approaches him in the hall before his last class of the day, and by this time, Kurt has convinced himself that he can wait until he gets home to call Blaine. 

“Kurt, wait up!”

“What can I do for you, Puckerman?” Kurt asks, slamming his locker closed.

“I need your help. I think you’re the only one who can convince Berry that she’s making a huge mistake getting this nose job.”

“I thought you were dating Lauren now?” Kurt asks skeptically. He doesn’t want Rachel to have the procedure done either, but he doesn’t fully understand Puck’s concern. “Or did I miss something?”

“Dude, I am totally into Zises! That woman is something else, let me tell you. Trust me, I’m not interested in Rachel. But as one of only three Jews in this school, it’s my duty to make Berry change her mind.”

“I’m impressed, Puckerman. What did you have in mind?”

“Something big…something to show her she doesn’t need to change to be like her idols. Maybe something involving Streisand?”

“A Barbra-vention! Brilliant!” Kurt exclaims, his mind already racing with ideas.

“A…what?”

“Just get her to the mall after school and I’ll take care of the rest!” Kurt’s already hurrying off to class, leaving a slightly confused Puck in his wake.

Kurt spends the majority of English planning and scheming until it suddenly dawns on him that he’ll have to wait even longer to talk to Blaine now. Then he remembers the mountain of homework he already has in order to catch up with his classes and when his English teacher assigns a research paper, Kurt’s mood drops drastically.

  
_Great_ , he thinks.  _With all this work plus rehearsal and Rachel’s intervention, I probably won’t get to talk to Blaine at all tonight._  


 

8&8&8&8&

 

Blaine wipes a tear from his eye as he ducks into the driver’s seat, hoping none of the other Warblers notice. He knew saying goodbye to Kurt would be difficult, but he didn’t think he would get so worked up about it. He manages to let out a, “Thanks, guys,” before he starts the engine and backs out of his parking spot. He doesn’t miss the pointed look David gives Wes and Thad through the rear-view mirror which clearly conveys the question  _How do we fix this?_  


“It was an honor, Blaine, you know that.” Wes starts. “We’re all going to miss Kurt.” 

This is evidently not the right thing to say because Blaine’s eyes start to water again at the mention of his boyfriend’s name.

“And,” Thad says quickly, “we can use the rest of our “excused absence” to spend the day however we want!”

A hint of a smile shows itself on Blaine’s face, and David, hoping to continue putting Blaine back into a better mood, starts coming up with ideas for what they can do before rehearsal this afternoon.

“Why don’t we grab a quick lunch, and then head over to my house for some Halo? Then later we’ll head back to campus for rehearsal.”

“I don’t understand why we even have rehearsal anymore,” Thad whines. “We’ve only got nursing home gigs for the rest of the school year.”

“Thad! You know that the Warblers need to uphold our elite status as an ensemble and the only way to do th – ”

“I think lunch and video games sound great!” Blaine interjects, knowing how long David can wax poetic about the Warblers and their legacy.

David doesn’t seem too put out by Blaine’s interruption; he’s just glad that Blaine is smiling again and that at least he’s in a better mood now.

“Great,” David says eagerly. “Now let’s crank up the radio and get some pizza,” he says, turning the radio dial.

“… _let’s run away and don’t ever look back, don’t ever lo –_  ”

David quickly punches the radio dial to ‘mute’ but the damage is done. Blaine’s grip on the steering wheel tightens until his knuckles turn white, and they drive on, tense and silent.

8&8&8&8&

 

Kurt deems the Barbra-vention a success as he replays the event in his head on the drive home from the mall. Puck pulled off his part of the plan beautifully, though Kurt is still unsure how he managed to get Rachel to agree to come in the first place. He suspects it may have involved some dubious behavior, as he’s pretty sure he saw Puck sneaking out of the girls’ bathroom just before dismissal, but he has been part of this group of friends long enough to know when not to ask questions. 

The important thing is that Puck got Rachel to agree to come and, Kurt realizes, as his mind thinks back to Puck busting a move by the jukebox, he’s pretty sure Puck really enjoyed himself as well. The self-proclaimed ‘ambadassader’ seemed to have made some progress since Kurt had been gone.

Rachel herself had obviously been surprised, which makes Kurt even more proud of his plan. He’d been so happy everything was going accordingly that he even decided to brush off the fact that Rachel actually considered the possibility that Barbra Streisand would be in a mall in the middle-of-nowhere Ohio.

As he started dancing to the tune Puck had programmed, suddenly not only was he helping a friend realize the error of her ways, but he was also filled with that warm, pleasant feeling that he always experienced when he was comfortable performing in front of a crowd. Feeling nostalgic, Kurt had let himself revel in what he missed most about the New Directions while he was gone – the spontaneity and pure chaos of everything they do as a group.

Pulling out of his reverie, Kurt turns into the driveway with a smile on his face and puts the car in park. It’s not until he hoists his backpack over his shoulder with a grunt that he remembers all the work he still has to do tonight before he can even think about sleeping, let alone calling Blaine. 

The adrenaline rush from the Barbra-vention fades quickly as Kurt schleps his book bag in through the front door. The prospect of at least four hours of homework is grim indeed, so before he gets to work on his pre-calc problems, Kurt turns his iTunes on to full volume.

As Burt walks past Kurt’s room later that night, he raises his fist to knock on the door and tell his son to keep it down, but then he listens closely and decides against it. He knows that when  _this_  particular playlist is blasting through Kurt’s iPod speakers, it’s best to steer clear.

8&8&8&8&

 

All attempts by David, Wes, and Thad to cheer up Blaine had gone so horribly wrong that David actually did cancel Warbler practice that afternoon. It was no use having rehearsal when their star performer was clearly too upset to sing anything happy and upbeat, and since the Warblers have been practicing for nursing home visits, happy and upbeat is pretty much all they’ve got.

Blaine went home after dropping off all the other Warblers, made his way through his homework, sat through a quiet, tense dinner with his father, and was currently laying face down on his bed with his head buried in the pillows, listening to  _Somewhere Only We Know_  on agonizing repeat.

A pinging sound from his laptop alerts Blaine to a video chat request and his heart soars in anticipation of getting to talk to Kurt. He’s sorely disappointed though, when he wiggles his mouse to get rid of the screensaver only to be greeted by Mercedes’ smiling face.

“Hi, Blaine!”

“Hey, Mercedes,” he says, taking a seat at his desk.

“I just wanted to thank you again for coming all the way to McKinley today. You Warblers were fantastic, and it was really sweet of you to do that for Kurt.”

“Thank you for suggesting it in the first place! It was the perfect way to say goodbye,” Blaine says, trying to keep the sadness out of his voice.

Mercedes picks up on it anyway.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Blaine says, trying to lighten up. “It’s just…I didn’t even get to talk to Kurt afterwards and I haven’t heard from him all day and…I just miss him Mercedes, and it’s only been one day. How are we going to make this work?” Blaine finishes, piteously. He doesn’t know Mercedes that well, but if anyone can help him, it’s probably Kurt’s best friend.

“Blaine Warbler, you listen here,” Mercedes says. “I’ve seen almost every couple combination possible between people in the New Directions and I can honestly tell you that none of those relationships has been like what you and Kurt have. I have to believe that you two can make anything work, because if you can’t, then there’s no hope for the rest of us.”

Blaine smiles at this. He’s seen some of the couples that form in McKinley’s glee club and he has to agree with Mercedes that some of them seem unlikely, if not downright unhealthy.

“You’re right,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m just missing him so badly right now. I know it’s going to be hard, I just wish it wasn’t.”

“I’m here, if you ever want to talk,” Mercedes offers.

“I know, and I appreciate that so, so much, Mercedes.” Blaine says. “But right now, I think I just want to lie down for a while. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Goodnight, Blaine Warbler.”

“Bye, Mercedes.”

Blaine logs off the video chat and shuts down his computer. He places his phone on his bedside table, realizing that it’s already after 11 and that Kurt is not likely to call him at all tonight. He climbs into bed and curls up under his comforter.

His mind won’t stop racing and even though he’s tired, he can’t get to sleep. He knows that Kurt cares for him and that he probably had just as long and exhausting of a day as Blaine himself did, but that doesn’t stop Blaine from thinking the worst. 

The part of his brain that is convinced that his father doesn’t love him anymore is now trying to convince him that Kurt doesn’t love him either. And sure, they haven’t said  _those_  words yet, but it’s  _implied_ , isn’t it? Blaine knows he loves Kurt, and he thinks Kurt loves him back, but what if he’s wrong? What if this is only the first step towards the end of their relationship. With Kurt back and McKinley and Blaine stuck at Dalton, what if this is only the beginning of the end? 

The little voice in the back of Blaine’s mind is telling him that Kurt will start spending more and more time with his other friends now that he has the chance and that of course means spending less and less time with Blaine. He’ll probably stop wanting to go out to eat with Blaine because he’ll want to hang out with Tina and Mercedes, and then he won’t want to hang out on weekends anymore because the girls can sleepover and Blaine  _can’t_. 

And then before he knows it Kurt will probably stop calling altogether and he’ll be left all alone just like he is now.

“Stop it!” Blaine screams as he turns over in bed. “Just cut it out,” he says, to no one in particular.

8&8&8&8&

 

The next day, Blaine texts Kurt a bittersweet “ _Good morning, I’ll miss getting coffee with you before class_ ”, but his phone stays silent all day and he never receives a reply. He calls Kurt after school, even though he knows he’s got rehearsal, but the return call that he expects before the end of the night never comes.

8&8&8&8&

Kurt wakes up late the next morning, and in the rush to make it to school on time leaves his cell phone teetering precariously on his nightstand. When a text comes in from one Blaine Warbler, the vibrations send it over the edge of the table with a clunk, and when the phone emits a feeble beeping sound before shutting down, no one is there to hear it.

It’s another day and another workload, and now Kurt has the additional project of making his  _Born This Way_  shirt to keep him occupied. He comes home exhausted yet again, but all he wants to do is hear Blaine’s voice because he knows it will make him feel a thousand times better. He locates his phone under his bed (“How the heck did you get here?”), and finds that even when he reinserts the battery and plugs in the charger, the phone won’t turn on. Figuring he’ll just get it fixed tomorrow, he signs onto Facebook hoping that Blaine will be on. He’s not. 

Kurt goes to bed feeling uneasy and sad.

8&8&8&8&

The day after that Blaine can barely drag himself out of bed and he doesn’t even bother gelling down his hair because who is he trying to impress anyway?

After watching Blaine mope his way through the morning, David determines that something must be done about this. A hasty call to Kurt sends him directly to voicemail, where he leaves a rather frantic message (“I’ve never seen him like this! What did you  _do_?”).

8&8&8&8&

“Kurt!” Burt calls up the stairs. “Phone for you!”

Kurt hastily closes his history book and goes down to the kitchen.

“Hello?”

“Kurt, thank God!”

“David? How did you get my home number?”

“Thad may or may not have used his position as class president to log onto the school database and find your records, but that is not the point! We’re worried about Blaine. He’s miserable; he just mopes around school all day and then totally bombs at practice. What did you do to him?”

“What did I – what are you talking about? I haven’t even spoken to him in the past few days!”

“Exactly! You haven’t answered his texts or phone calls and that’s why we had to track you down at home!”

“My phone’s broken, David. And it’s not like I haven’t tried! He hasn’t been online in days!”

“You could have at least sent him an e-mail or something!”

“I – ” Kurt’s voice falters. “I just want to hear his voice when I talk to him.”

David’s tone changes suddenly as he realizes that Kurt is just as torn up about this as Blaine is.

His voice softens as he says, “He’s convinced you don’t want him anymore.”

“Is he crazy? Of course I do! I love him!” Kurt declares vehemently.

“You do?”

“I – yeah, I do,” Kurt says, realizing what he just admitted. “I’m sorry, David, I’ve got to go!” 

Kurt hangs up the phone before the other boy can respond and hurriedly calls to his father that he won’t be around for dinner. He’s out the door and on the road in a matter of minutes.

8&8&8&8&

A million ideas go through Kurt’s head as he races towards Blaine’s house, and they all revolve around one central thought:  _How do I fix this?_  

And, Kurt wonders as he brakes at a stop light, how could the possibility that Blaine might be even more torn up about this than Kurt was fail to cross his mind? He was so concerned with trying to get back into the swing of things, and with his desire to just hear Blaine’s voice telling him that everything would be okay, that he never even considered that  _Blaine_  might be the one who needed  _Kurt_  to reassure his own fears.

Kurt pulls up to Blaine’s house with a screech and barely cuts the engine before he’s out of the car and running up to Blaine’s front porch. He jabs the doorbell with his finger about a dozen times and freezes when the door finally opens.

Blaine is standing there, eyes puffy and red, curls askew, and both boys freeze, not knowing what to do next.

So Blaine panics and shuts the door in Kurt’s face.

Kurt stands there stunned for a moment and then reels around, jogs down the steps of the front porch, and turns right to walk around the side of the house. He locates Blaine’s bedroom window and, knowing that Blaine is unlikely to let him in through a window after rejecting him at the door, settles for thanking any higher power that might exist for the window being open. Then he begins to fix things the only way he knows how.

“ _It felt like springtime on this February morning_  
 _In the courtyard birds were singing your praise_  
 _I’m still recalling things you said to make me feel alright_  
 _I carried them with me today_  


  
_Now, as I lay me down to sleep_   
_This I pray_   
_That you will hold me dear_   
_Though I’m far away_   
_I’ll whisper you name_   
_Into the sky_   
_And I will wake up happy_   


With no response from Blaine yet, Kurt slumps down and, sitting just below the window with his back against the house, continues singing.

  
_I wonder why_   
_I feel so high, though I am not above the sorrow_   
_Heavy-hearted til you call my name_   
_And it sounds like church bells or the whistle of a train_   
_On a summer evening I’ll run to meet you barefoot_   
_Barely breathing_   


  
_As I lay me down to sleep_   
_This I pray_   
_That you will hold me dear_   
_Though I’m far away_   
_I’ll whisper you name_   
_Into the sky_   
_And I will wake up happy_   


Kurt pauses hopefully, but to no avail. There’s no sign of acknowledgement from inside Blaine’s bedroom and Kurt has never felt more downhearted in his life. He hangs his head and wonders what to try next because if he can’t fix this with song then he doesn’t know if he can fix it at all. Then suddenly, he hears a soft, choked voice from inside the window, and he’s pretty sure nothing has ever sounded so glorious in his entire life.

  
_As I lay me down to sleep_   
_This I pray_   
_That you will hold me dear_   
_Though I’m far away_   
_I’ll whisper you name_   
_Into the sky_   
_And I will wake up happy_   


Tears are welling up in Kurt’s eyes as he jumps to his feet and turns around only to see Blaine’s tear-streaked face smiling shyly back at him through the window screen.

Blaine lifts the window up all the way and throws the screen up after it, thrusting his hands out to grab Kurt’s.

“Blaine, I’m so sorry I – ”

“Stop,” Blaine says, tugging on Kurt’s hands. Kurt looks uncertainly at the window and then hoists himself up on to the ledge and swings his feet over into Blaine’s bedroom.

Blaine tugs at Kurt’s hands again, pulling him up into standing position, and then folds himself around the taller boy, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“Just tell me that we can do this,” Blain croaks softly.

“We can do this, Blaine, I promise you I have never wanted anything more in my entire life.” Kurt wraps his arms securely around Blaine, gently stroking his back.

“Blaine, I – I know the past few days have been hard. I’ve missed you so much and I wanted to hear your voice so badly. And then I had to stage an intervention and my phone broke and then David called and – Blaine I just need you to know that I have  _never_  cared about someone else as much as I care about you and that _nothing_  is ever going to change that.

Blaine pulls away then and wipes his eyes on the back of his hand.

“Kurt…I feel so ridiculous, you have no idea. I thought you didn’t want to talk to me and I’d convinced myself that you were going to forget about me now that you’re back at McKinley and I just…really needed to hear you say everything you just said.”

“I can say it again, if you like,” Kurt says warmly. He’s just happy knowing that he and Blaine are both in this for the long haul. He has never seen this vulnerable side of Blaine before and he feels better knowing that that they’re in this together, and that Blaine is just as scared and unsure as Kurt himself is.  
“Please?” Blaine whispers.

“Blaine Warbler,” Kurt says, taking both of Blaine’s hands into his own and drawing him close. “You are the single most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I want you to know that I am going to put everything I have into making this relationship work. I don’t care if one of us moves to Norway or joins a traveling circus or flies a rocket to the moon – I will  _never_  not want you.”

Blaine lets out an unsteady laugh, and Kurt wraps his arms around him again. They stay like that for a while, just standing there basking in the warmth of each other’s embrace, rocking slightly into each other until it’s almost like slow dancing except they don’t need any music, they only need each other.

By the time both of their breathing is steady again and the only trace of tears are slightly pink cheeks, both boys have calmed down and things feel normal again. They break apart slowly and smile shyly at each other. 

“You uh…you look really cute, with your hair like that,” Kurt says with a little laugh.

Blaine’s cheeks turn a rosy red as he blushes. “I must look like a mess.”

“Nah,” Kurt says with a shrug. “Besides, I’m pretty sure I’m wearing two different shoes.”

“Wow,” Blaine says, a look of mock surprise on his face. “You really must care about me a lot to be breaking a fashion rule like that.”

“I do.”

“I know that now.”

Kurt smiles, then leans in and kisses Blaine lightly on the lips. Blaine pulls him closer, and wrapping an arm around him, deepens the kiss.

Kurt wraps his arms around Blaine’s shoulders as Blaine runs his hands lightly up and down Kurt’s back.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Kurt says, gently pulling away.

“I try,” Blaine says, as he shrugs nonchalantly, but there’s a big goofy grin on his face.

“Come on into the kitchen,” he continues. “I’ll whip us up something good.”

“I would love that,” Kurt says, following Blaine into the hallway.

Blaine pulls his bedroom door closed behind him.

“So, did you say you staged an intervention?”

“A Barbra-vention, actually,” Kurt says with a smile.

“A Barbra-what?”

“It’s a long story,” Kurt says.

“I’d love to hear it. You can tell me all about it over dinner.”

“Sounds perfect,” Kurt says, as Blaine entwines their fingers and leads him into the kitchen.  


  



End file.
